Samtidig, et helt annet sted

'tis a silly place

"Ask me what the secret of comedy is."
"What is the secr..."
"Timing."

Two muffins are in an oven. One turns to the other and says, "Boy, it's sure getting hot in here." The other screams, "Holy shit, a talking muffin!"

Q. What's the difference between a duck?
A. It bangs its head together when it walks.

wo ducks are sitting in a bathtub, one says, "Pass the soap," so the other says, "What do I look like, a typewriter?"

Two functions, x^2 and e^x are walking down the street. Off in the distance they see a differential operator walking towards them. e^x turns to x^2 and tells him: "You better get out of here! If that operator differentiates you a few times you'll disappear, but he can differentiate me all he wants and I'll stay the same."
So x^2 runs off and e^x goes to greet the differential operator. "Hi, I'm e^x" he says. "What's your name?"
The operator looks at him with a demonic grin and says: "d/dy".

Can I integrate myself with respect to you?
I want to be the area under your curves.

Did you hear the headline about midget psychic on the run from the Law? It read, "Small Medium At Large."

q:what's brown and sticky?
a: a stick.

q: what's black and would kill you if it jumped on you out of a tree?
a: a grand piano

There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who can count in binary and those who can't.

Q: Where does a General keep his armies?
A: In his sleevies.

So these two Cesium atoms are walking down the street. Says the first Cesium atom, "oh my god! I think I'm missing an electron". Says the second, "are you sure?" Says the first, "I'm positive".

Two cows are standing on top of a hill. One cow turns to the other cow and says: "Are you worried about mad cow disease?"
The other cow looks puzzled: "Why? I'm a helicopter."

Descartes walks into a bar and orders a drink. He sips it for a while, and when he is finished, the bartender asks him if he'd like another. Descartes says, "I think not", and disappears.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat miner.

A man walks into a therapist's with just clingfilm around his waist; therapist says, "I can clearly see you're nuts".

A man visits a monastery. At dinner he is served Fish and Chips, and they are delicious, the best he has ever eaten. He goes back into the kitchen to thank the cook, and finding someone there cooking, he asks "Are you the Fish Fryer?" To which the man replies, "No, I'm the Chip Monk".

Throwing glass is wrong in some peoples eyes.

A man walks into a bar. Ouch! It was an iron bar.

Two men walk into a bar and the third one ducks.

What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? A drummer.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.